The cost of Love!!!

I am not too sure the title to this post actually fits but here goes anyway!!!!

For the past 4 months, my boyfriend and I have been working on a plan for us to be together. Living across continents has proven both harder and easier than we expected. In ways we expected to have difficulties, we sailed through and in other areas that we thought we would not be bothered, we struggled through. So after much thought, advice, calling people, running around from one government organization to another, we finally conceptualized a plan. As much as we both did not want to get excited over it till it eventually came true, unknowingly, it seeped into our mind and I found myself waking up with a smile on my face at the thought of having him by my side in just a matter on two months. Days passed, weeks passed and the excitement grew. Plans were in full swing, mails being exchanged between all those who had a prominent part in our plan. One fine day, the plan just fell apart. Something we thought we had checked up was untrue and when we went to confirm, we realized that life was not gonna hand us such unparalleled happiness at such a low cost. That day was close to traumatic for me. And as much as he refuses to show it, I know it affected him as well. I worked on "auto" mode - doing all my work like a robot completely stripped of all my emotions. I kept myself busy all day till I could barely stand up by 11 pm that nite. All I knew was that if I decided to think about this obstacle, I would crumble. So as always I used the defense of keeping busy!
We talked about it, both of us upset at the bad news but trying to be little strong for the other. And as usual I must say that he did a better job at that. In his usual calm, loving way, he showed me yet again that he was my sole strength. In a while I felt better. The next day, we both work up with renewed energy. My mother and my boyfriend assured me that it was God's way of testing is we were strong enough to handle anything for each other. We both mailed each other all the other possible plans so that we could each critically evaluate each other's plans. Our minds worked non stop trying to come up with crisis intervention!
We still haven't worked out a complete back up plan as yet but we know we will. We may not have similar background, a visa to live in the same country, opportunities to talk as often as we want to etc.... but what we do have, always had and hopefully will hold onto is our faith is God and in each other. Our promise that we made to each other one late night at a bus stop to always belong to each other helped us along this far and thats what carries us on through such difficult times as well. So for any other couples who come across this blog, do be positive and HAVE FAITH! And while u say a silent prayer for yourself and your significant other, don't forget to say another short one for us as well!!!

10 ways i know my sunshine loves me!!!

1. He holds my hand when I am down.
2. He watches me for hours when I sleep.
3. He loves me in spite of me being fat! And he calls me gorgeous.
4. He cares for my sisters and takes the trouble to know my friends.
5. He kisses my forehead so lovingly.
6. He doesn't get mad when I say I want Jilebi at inappropriate times.
7. He handles my temper tantrums with patience and understanding.
8. He looks so happy when I smile.
9. He can listen to me talk for hours! And thats not an easy task.
10. He SAYS it!! And I believe it!

moments of bliss!!!!!

sunshine... in this more than one year that we have been together, there have been some amazingly amazing beautiful blissful moments. when i think abt those moments, i can still feel that overwhelming sense of happiness... like its surreal!
1. first sparky's meal - wow... so beautiful... we hit it of so perfectly.. and sitting there opposite you, i couldnt stop blushing....
2. when i said i love you - that nite, at some 2 am, when i blurted out that i love you.... even i dint know that i loved you till it just came out... ill never forget that nite! u made me feel like a princess!
3. new years!!! - hmmm.... i cant explain this... no words to describe! the best new years ever! sitting together, praying with my hands in urs, foreheads touching, i have never felt more secure...
4. unplanned trip to bangalore - the one where u decided to just come back with me when i came???? hahaha! sunshine... that was amazing! felt so loved!
5. mama's for diwali - hahahahahhahahahaha... don wana say anything more! was beautiful! and all the other times we have spent with mama and your friends...
6. deepwoods - every time u kept looking back into the audience while judging dumb charades... everu girl in the room was jealous at the attention i was getting from you!
7. when u told ur mom abt us - thats when i was so sure that it was real and we were actually gonna be together! remember u asked me to be sure and think n tell u the next morning?
ok sunshine... so many other instances... but don wana let u fly too high in one day! will write more soon! every second that i was with you has been absolute bliss. i know i fight, but i love you and im happy through it all.. mail me the happiest moments for you!
always yours!

flashback...

last nite i spoke to my sunshine. this is an event since we get to talk so rarely. after the one hour talk, i just could not sleep. lay thinking about "us" and from where we had begun and where we have now reached. every memory flooding my thoughts, making it impossible to get the much needed sleep.
the first meeting in mcc... the scraps on orkut... the midnight calls and conversations about everything ranging from psychology to the concept of arranged marriage, to food to music... falling in love.. sharing thoughts that noone else knew about us... first official meeting... sparky's... 4 am at bus terminals... sleeper buses to bangalore... faling in love.. the first kiss... the shyness almost non existent by now.. auto rides... long long walks... falling deeper in love...singing to each other... gnite prayers... oh those prayers.. bikes and speed.. partying.. meeting each others family and friends... head over heels in love.. goodbye hugs.. trips to bangalore... cooking and cleaning... NEW YEARS!!!... deeper in love.. fights , misunderstandings... making up... making out... he he.. planning for the future.. getting ready to stay apart... sneaked meetings.. chapel services... exchanging of rings... a million train rides.. sharing secrets.. holding each other close.. quizzing each other.. loving each other...
i know we dont live in the past and neither should v live in the future. the present brings such happiness. the knowledge that you are loved by someone who knows you better than you know yourself. loving each other not more or less than the other but more than anything either of us have known before. the smile when i think of him. the knowledge that noone can love me more than he does. the trust that he would never hurt me. the hope that i will never hurt him. the present is so beautiful in spite of tensions and stressing out over future plans. but it is the wonderful present that makes us so eager for the future. the future that we yearn for. the future with my sunshine, me and a little family of our own - my dream, his dream, our dream!!!
love you sunshine. you have made my past beautiful, you make my present blissful and my future worth living for! i love you!!

OUR SONG!!!!!

baby, just for you!!!! this is so perfectly true! i can see jesus in your eyes! and thats what makes me so sure that we're gonna be fine!!!!!! its you and me forever darling!


oh look at where we are

god has brought us both this far

we've been delivered by his hand

and brought to the place where we now stand

love is patient love is kind

love comes thru every time

always protects hopes and trusts

keep on believing and it never gives up

in my life i have seen so many things

but nothing has touched me so deep inside

as when i see jesus in your eyes

in my heart i'm very sure

in his love ours will endure

loving him by lvoing you

in serving jesus i will serve you too

for his glory we will live

he has given us love to give

i am with your heart and soul

where ever he leads together we will go

in my life i have seen so many things

but nothing has touched me so deep inside

as when i see jesus in your eyes

in your eyes

ten things i wana do with my sunshine!

1. sleep under the stars!
2. stay up talking all nite!
3. take his parents and mine on a holiday!
4. get into a pillow fight!
5. make out in a pool!
6. go skinny dipping!
7. dance!
8. go to an amusement park!
9. get wet in the beach!
10. eat a burger in the messiest way possible!

one year and still in love!!!!!!!!

its been more than a month since you left.... its been more than a year since we've talked every nite... its been more than a lifetime since i have been waiting for someone like you to make me smile.....
i cant believe a year has flown by.... i promise you that this year has been the happiest year of my life.... i have smiled a million times more than ever before... i have laughed from the bottom most pit in my stomach, i have cried with all i had when u left from my house to go back to chennai, i have felt a surge of joy that made me lose myself for a moment when i saw u walking down the road to my house, i have felt more secure than i can imagine it would feel to be in a mother's womb, i have matured into someone who knows who i am, i have learnt that i can be a child with you, i have seen you angry, i have seen jesus in your eyes, i have heard u sing to me, i have held you close, i have been held close in teh strongest arms ever, i have learnt that love like yours deserves more respect than i can give, i have learnt the meaning of loyalty, i have learnt that crying does not get u anything, i have learnt that u hate onions, i have seen you be completely selfless, i have felt passion, excitement, the tingling sensation and adrenaline pumping when i am near you while at the same time feeling secure, safe, peaceful and calm knowing you are with me. i have heard you pray the most beautiful prayers ever, i have watched u serve in chapel, i have a ring with your name on my hand at all times, i have a truckload of memories in which u are the hero, i have a sweater that was once yours but now touches my skin every nite i sleep, i have the Dr. Lips that u gave me, i know that u hate uncertainty but u love me despite the fact that i am the cause of the greatest uncertainty in your life, i have spoken to everyone in your family and fallen in love with them as well, i spend every spare moment wondering what u would be doing, i make decisions based on what is good for "us" not just for me, i realize each day how lucky i am to have someone as wonderful, loyal, brilliant, supportive, handsome and loving as you as the to-be father of my kids. i thank god each day for letting us cross paths and pray that he keeps our paths as one from this day forth. i sing your praises to anyone who will listen, im filled with pride whenever i think of you and i take most pride in the fact that i am yours as your wife than in anything else.... that is my biggest achievement. i love you more each day for the trust you have in me, for investing your hopes and dreams in me. over this year i have learnt that each smile that is genuine is dedicated to you. over this year i have seen how much love can motivate me to do things i would never even try my hand at - like making a scrapbook or a cd. i have learnt that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to being my complete foolish self with you. i have seen the tremendous amount of patience that you have when it comes to me.
i can now truthfully and whole heartedly say that i have felt love!
but most of all, after one year of being together i want to tell you that somewhere along the way, you have come to know me better than i know myself and more surprisingly, you love me for who i am and i love you for being my constant support, my treasure, my confidante, my lover, my friend, my adviser and the one and only person who knows me for who i really am!
i love you! forever and a day!

to my darling sunshine......

23rd april 2007

sunshine... from now on. just gonna make this our diary!!!!! gonna be writing here everyday that i cannot talk to you!!!!
cant believe that u left chennai today! i know you are in mumbai, but that does not count! when u called me from the cabin, my heart felt so heavy!!! like for a sec i thought i would not be able to handle it and then i remembered that u so badly wanted to go home and so i figured u would not want to hear me crying just before you left!!!! ur gal is damn brave no?
i just want to tell you that though i have told you all this before, i have never meant it more.... so here goes -
you make me happier than i thought i could be. the thought of not having you near me and not seeing you every two weekends and not talking to you every nite is killing me but i am not crying cos i know that u will always remain my pillar of strength! u will always be my reason for getting up each day, u will be my reason to do well so u can be proud of me.... i can barely sleep, read or eat rite now cos all i can think of is wanting to hold you so badly!!!!!! but i know i will get better!!!! just need u to work towards us being together soon ok?????
u are my miracle! whenever u close your eyes and think of me, u better know im thinking of you too. every breathe, every song, every smile is only for you!!!!!!
you make me want to live! u make me love u more each second!
sunshine.... holding u so close and may GOD bless the broken road that led me straight to you!

February 2007

He told his mother!!!!!!!!!!!!

about me!!!!

one nite he asked me to think hard about whether this relationship is what i really wanted and after this there was no really going back... i thought.... for three hours... pros... cons... emotions... logic... wishes... desires... hopes... and dreams.... and with every passing moment i was just more sure that i wanted him... needed him to complete the person i was... i realized that i had never felt so complete in my life... never felt safer, more loved or more happy....

the next morning, soon as i woke up at 6 am, i called him to tell him im sure... he said ok, then im gonna tell my mother this week.... i dint know whether to laugh or to cry.. i was so happy.. cos telling his mom was almost like making it official... i just wanted to marry him rite then...

but well, there are complications... my parents need to know... we need a concrete plan... he needs to go back to ethiopia soon...

but rite now as i sit typing this, i know that i have never been surer of any decision in my life.

he pushes me to do more than i think im capable of, he motivates me to try my best at everything i do, he keeps telling me he is proud of me, he holds me close when im upset, he tells me im irrational, but still remains patient when i rant and rave about silly insecurities, he sings to me, he prays beautifully, he doesnt let me eat paani puri cos my stomach hurts everytime i eat it, he thinks i look prettiest when i dont dress up, he runs all his decisions by me and makes me feel like an important part of his life, he introduces me to everyone like im some celebrity, he tells me about all the girls who flirt with him and at the same time makes me feel so secure in his love, he eats food that i cook!!!!!!!, he washes dishes, he helps me with my class work, he dreams about our life together, he sounds amazingly cute when i call him at 5 am just to hear his voice..... im not dumb.... i know im lucky.. i thank god every nite for the angel he sent me...

what can i say???? nothing can capture it more than... I LOVE HIM!!! I DO!!!