We're Pregnant!!!

I know it's been ages since I wrote, but I thought being pregnant definitely warrants a blog entry dedicated to it!

It's been more than a week since we have known that a little Bekele is going to join our family in 9 months! Right from the days of suspicion, I can't remember being anything but happy! My husband on the other hand, handled the news like he handles everything - with planning and MS Excel! :)

Our families were ecstatic at the news! After all, it's been a year and 3 months since we got married - it is pretty much what people expect of us! The first couple of days went by in the daze of telling my humongous family one at a time! I told about 30 people in 3 days and my husband told 5! If this is not proof that women network/talk to more people than men, then nothing is! After the excitement of hearing others get excited for me, I got some time to actually think about what it means. I mean, when you and your husband talk about having a kid, you talk about the basics and whether we are ready for it. You go through a lot of self-introspection at this point, but when the news actually sunk in, it was a whole new feeling!

Thinking about it on one of my long train trips back home from work, I felt more feelings at once than I have ever felt so far! Elated at the thought of being a mother - of course, scared about if I would be a good mother, anxious at the thought of handling so many emotional and physical changes, thankful to God for being one of the couples that are blessed to be given this opportunity to be parents when so many people these days go trough so many fertility treatment procedures, surprised at the amount of love I could feel for a being that is currently as big as an orange seed and living inside of me, worried about travel logistics, if our house is big enough, our financial situation and so much more!!! What made me feel at peace while feeling all of this was the fact that all I was having OUR baby - someone who was made by my husband and me! What a miracle!

Over the next few days, I realized that my life has completely changed. With every slight feeling around my stomach area - whether an itch or some pain, I was constantly worried about the safety of my baby! It totally caught me off guard that I could love something so much that I didn't even know existed just a few days ago. Looking up online, I realized that all mothers worry about miscarriages - but that did nothing to soothe my fears each time I felt anything different. And this is what the rest of my life is gonna be like - worrying about the safety and well being of my baby!!! :) Surprisingly, I was welcoming that worry! Maybe I will regret it when my baby girl goes out on prom night with a guy in a leather jacket! But for now, I felt like I was home!

My husband and I have discussed quite a few things about the baby already, thanks to his obsession for planning! Every time someone tells me to plan only after the third month when chance of miscarriage is significantly lower, I just say a silent prayer to God to keep my baby that he gave me, safe! I truly believe that parents talk to God so much more.

I have my first actual OB/GYN appointment on two days from now and I can't help being excited about it. I just want to know whatever I can about my baby. All the books we bought as soon as we confirmed pregnancy and the material I found on the internet just doesn't seem personalized enough! I want to know how MY baby is doing!

While I am hoping that I somehow incorporate the few things I thought my parents could have done better, I am hoping that I will be at least half as good a parent as my parents were to me! I am not worried about my husband - he was born to be a father!

I do thank God for giving us a support system stronger than anyone could ever ask for. It is the prayers of friends and family that got us where we are today and I am sure with their assured support and continuing prayers, the soon-to-be 3 member Bekele family will sail through!

Look forward to more updates from the Bekele Mommy-to-be!!!!

How I know my husband loves me...

It's funny how sometimes the things that can bug the hell outta you are the very things that are the proof that the person who can bug you to hell truly loves you... 3 months into marriage, I have come to realize that love doesnt mean giving in to my every whim, spending each waking moment with me or even constantly showering me with sweet nothings.... Here are some ways I am sure he loves me! These irritating things give me the direction I so badly need in my life...

1. He glares at me when I eat too much of something unhealthy (which I usually do very often) just to let me know that he wants to have me beside him longer. The fact that my short term happiness in eating appam with sugar does not deter him from looking out for my interests in the long term.
2. Even when my ego refuses to let me believe that he can cook as well if not better than me, he still makes that extra effort to come into the kitchen and help me out when he sees me wake up at 6 am to make a dish for my lunch. Well he even tries out new dishes most evenings when I get back from a tired day at work. :) How lucky am I?
3. I am a clean person. I am not obsessed with order. He is. Yet, he is my decent husband who calmy picks up my shawl from the dining room chair, my comb from the dining table and washes the dinner dishes before he comes to put me to sleep.
4. Talking about sleep, in spite of the fact that he has to fill each day doing nothing, he still comes to bed with me and puts me to sleep patiently even when I am moaning and groaning about the heat or about not getting a comfortable position.
5. When some girl friends of mine decided to meet up recently, he so sweetly and subtly gave me some space to go meet them for a girls weekend out while he spent the weekend with my parents! If that doesnt show he loves me, nothing will!
6. I fall for stupid sales tactics like moving to a more expensive post paid connection and though he lectures me for hours about how I should not fall for such tricks, he lets me keep the post paid connection and doesnt crib when we pay so much more on the phone though we cant afford it.
7. Even though my family practically butts into every sphere of my life (which sometimes irritates even me) he not only gets along with them famously, but even tries to get me to be more patient and understanding when they bug me.
8. When I rant and rave about something completely illogical for no apparent reason, he keeps finding new examples to explain the logical way to me. Though the explanations bug me most of the time, in a few minutes I KNOW that he is right!! AAAAAAAAArgh!
9. For someone who does not open up or say what he is feeling, even at the cost of the uncomfortable fights, he brings himself to discuss our issues so that we can move on rather than bottling things up.
10. As we move through each day I realize that we are not as mature as we thought ourselves to be, yet in our immaturity, he makes me realize that we can mature together and grow together into the wonderful couple that we know we are! :)

Even through days when things are not smooth between us, I just have to look at his eyes to know the determination and love he has which gives me the strength to know that we will be fine in the  long run. Cos though I am still a kid, he knows what is best for us. God speaks to us through him!

A river full of thoughts!

It's been one year and 6 months since the love of my life has been in India. In just 4 days, he is moving back.... From when we made the plan for him to move back, I have known that it would not be easy. But today as I write this, so many things run through my mind!
He is leaving behind his country, the people he grew up with, his family, his friends, his well paying job, his festivals and traditions, his house.... everything that matters!
In 4 days, he will be with me - a malayalee girl with an over enthu family who mean well but butt in a bit too much, a newly acquired job and alot of love! I wonder so many times, will this be enough for him? Being the principled, practical loving man he is, he may have pressured himself into making the decision to move to India and be with me! I sure hope I dint pressure him into it.
I have no particular aim in writing this. Just a place to spill my thoughts I guess....
So many concerns racing through my mind at a pace faster than what I can keep up with!
Will he be patient enough to look for a job he likes?
Will the Indian govt give him his work permit fast enough?
Will he be totally bugged at the concept of the big wedding that has always been my dream?
Wil we be able to adjust to the fact that for the first time we live in the same city and soon in the same house?
Will he love my family the way I love his? With no conditions...
Will his social circle being different from mine be a problem?
Will our fights be out of frustration and tension?
So many many things...
As these thoughts raced through my head, other thoughts raced in parallel...
Our relationship has become so much stronger after our time apart..
We have met each other's family and loved the experience..
We have prayed together about our concerns, our hopes, our dreams..
We have the confidence that our love for each other is unconditional, true and encompassing..
We know that however much we fight, we love each other dearly and nothing takes precedence over that..
We both know that without each other, we feel incomplete..
We also know that we can tell each other anything and not be even remotely judged!

And most of all, thinking about it, I guess he is not leaving ALL that matters to him behind in his home country! I am at the recieving end and I guess that is ALL that matters to him! And I feel relieved! I hope I can make a life with him so that he never has regrets! But that is now my only prayer!!

So if anyone does read this wayward post, do say a silent prayer for us as we embark on a journey that is the end of a looooong wait but a start to a journey of our lives together!

From my heart!

It's more than two years since I have been with my boyfriend!
In a month from today, he will officially be my fiance!
I havent seen him in one year and two months.
I am gonna see him in a month.
I am ecstatic.
I have always wanted a huge wedding. Friends, family, wedding gifts, bridal shower, fun, food, music, the whole deal. He has just wanted me.
I tell our friends that we are together because of my boyfriend's constant determination and God's blessings. He tells our friends we are together because of my persistence and God's blessings.
I write mails and send messages and constantly tell him I love him and miss him.
He smiles when I get sentimental on him.
I show him I love him in every way possible.
He loves me in his own quiet way.
I know he loves me and that's where I root my strength.

The cost of Love!!!

I am not too sure the title to this post actually fits but here goes anyway!!!!

For the past 4 months, my boyfriend and I have been working on a plan for us to be together. Living across continents has proven both harder and easier than we expected. In ways we expected to have difficulties, we sailed through and in other areas that we thought we would not be bothered, we struggled through. So after much thought, advice, calling people, running around from one government organization to another, we finally conceptualized a plan. As much as we both did not want to get excited over it till it eventually came true, unknowingly, it seeped into our mind and I found myself waking up with a smile on my face at the thought of having him by my side in just a matter on two months. Days passed, weeks passed and the excitement grew. Plans were in full swing, mails being exchanged between all those who had a prominent part in our plan. One fine day, the plan just fell apart. Something we thought we had checked up was untrue and when we went to confirm, we realized that life was not gonna hand us such unparalleled happiness at such a low cost. That day was close to traumatic for me. And as much as he refuses to show it, I know it affected him as well. I worked on "auto" mode - doing all my work like a robot completely stripped of all my emotions. I kept myself busy all day till I could barely stand up by 11 pm that nite. All I knew was that if I decided to think about this obstacle, I would crumble. So as always I used the defense of keeping busy!
We talked about it, both of us upset at the bad news but trying to be little strong for the other. And as usual I must say that he did a better job at that. In his usual calm, loving way, he showed me yet again that he was my sole strength. In a while I felt better. The next day, we both work up with renewed energy. My mother and my boyfriend assured me that it was God's way of testing is we were strong enough to handle anything for each other. We both mailed each other all the other possible plans so that we could each critically evaluate each other's plans. Our minds worked non stop trying to come up with crisis intervention!
We still haven't worked out a complete back up plan as yet but we know we will. We may not have similar background, a visa to live in the same country, opportunities to talk as often as we want to etc.... but what we do have, always had and hopefully will hold onto is our faith is God and in each other. Our promise that we made to each other one late night at a bus stop to always belong to each other helped us along this far and thats what carries us on through such difficult times as well. So for any other couples who come across this blog, do be positive and HAVE FAITH! And while u say a silent prayer for yourself and your significant other, don't forget to say another short one for us as well!!!

10 ways i know my sunshine loves me!!!

1. He holds my hand when I am down.
2. He watches me for hours when I sleep.
3. He loves me in spite of me being fat! And he calls me gorgeous.
4. He cares for my sisters and takes the trouble to know my friends.
5. He kisses my forehead so lovingly.
6. He doesn't get mad when I say I want Jilebi at inappropriate times.
7. He handles my temper tantrums with patience and understanding.
8. He looks so happy when I smile.
9. He can listen to me talk for hours! And thats not an easy task.
10. He SAYS it!! And I believe it!

moments of bliss!!!!!

sunshine... in this more than one year that we have been together, there have been some amazingly amazing beautiful blissful moments. when i think abt those moments, i can still feel that overwhelming sense of happiness... like its surreal!
1. first sparky's meal - wow... so beautiful... we hit it of so perfectly.. and sitting there opposite you, i couldnt stop blushing....
2. when i said i love you - that nite, at some 2 am, when i blurted out that i love you.... even i dint know that i loved you till it just came out... ill never forget that nite! u made me feel like a princess!
3. new years!!! - hmmm.... i cant explain this... no words to describe! the best new years ever! sitting together, praying with my hands in urs, foreheads touching, i have never felt more secure...
4. unplanned trip to bangalore - the one where u decided to just come back with me when i came???? hahaha! sunshine... that was amazing! felt so loved!
5. mama's for diwali - hahahahahhahahahaha... don wana say anything more! was beautiful! and all the other times we have spent with mama and your friends...
6. deepwoods - every time u kept looking back into the audience while judging dumb charades... everu girl in the room was jealous at the attention i was getting from you!
7. when u told ur mom abt us - thats when i was so sure that it was real and we were actually gonna be together! remember u asked me to be sure and think n tell u the next morning?
ok sunshine... so many other instances... but don wana let u fly too high in one day! will write more soon! every second that i was with you has been absolute bliss. i know i fight, but i love you and im happy through it all.. mail me the happiest moments for you!
always yours!