We're Pregnant!!!

I know it's been ages since I wrote, but I thought being pregnant definitely warrants a blog entry dedicated to it!

It's been more than a week since we have known that a little Bekele is going to join our family in 9 months! Right from the days of suspicion, I can't remember being anything but happy! My husband on the other hand, handled the news like he handles everything - with planning and MS Excel! :)

Our families were ecstatic at the news! After all, it's been a year and 3 months since we got married - it is pretty much what people expect of us! The first couple of days went by in the daze of telling my humongous family one at a time! I told about 30 people in 3 days and my husband told 5! If this is not proof that women network/talk to more people than men, then nothing is! After the excitement of hearing others get excited for me, I got some time to actually think about what it means. I mean, when you and your husband talk about having a kid, you talk about the basics and whether we are ready for it. You go through a lot of self-introspection at this point, but when the news actually sunk in, it was a whole new feeling!

Thinking about it on one of my long train trips back home from work, I felt more feelings at once than I have ever felt so far! Elated at the thought of being a mother - of course, scared about if I would be a good mother, anxious at the thought of handling so many emotional and physical changes, thankful to God for being one of the couples that are blessed to be given this opportunity to be parents when so many people these days go trough so many fertility treatment procedures, surprised at the amount of love I could feel for a being that is currently as big as an orange seed and living inside of me, worried about travel logistics, if our house is big enough, our financial situation and so much more!!! What made me feel at peace while feeling all of this was the fact that all I was having OUR baby - someone who was made by my husband and me! What a miracle!

Over the next few days, I realized that my life has completely changed. With every slight feeling around my stomach area - whether an itch or some pain, I was constantly worried about the safety of my baby! It totally caught me off guard that I could love something so much that I didn't even know existed just a few days ago. Looking up online, I realized that all mothers worry about miscarriages - but that did nothing to soothe my fears each time I felt anything different. And this is what the rest of my life is gonna be like - worrying about the safety and well being of my baby!!! :) Surprisingly, I was welcoming that worry! Maybe I will regret it when my baby girl goes out on prom night with a guy in a leather jacket! But for now, I felt like I was home!

My husband and I have discussed quite a few things about the baby already, thanks to his obsession for planning! Every time someone tells me to plan only after the third month when chance of miscarriage is significantly lower, I just say a silent prayer to God to keep my baby that he gave me, safe! I truly believe that parents talk to God so much more.

I have my first actual OB/GYN appointment on two days from now and I can't help being excited about it. I just want to know whatever I can about my baby. All the books we bought as soon as we confirmed pregnancy and the material I found on the internet just doesn't seem personalized enough! I want to know how MY baby is doing!

While I am hoping that I somehow incorporate the few things I thought my parents could have done better, I am hoping that I will be at least half as good a parent as my parents were to me! I am not worried about my husband - he was born to be a father!

I do thank God for giving us a support system stronger than anyone could ever ask for. It is the prayers of friends and family that got us where we are today and I am sure with their assured support and continuing prayers, the soon-to-be 3 member Bekele family will sail through!

Look forward to more updates from the Bekele Mommy-to-be!!!!

How I know my husband loves me...

It's funny how sometimes the things that can bug the hell outta you are the very things that are the proof that the person who can bug you to hell truly loves you... 3 months into marriage, I have come to realize that love doesnt mean giving in to my every whim, spending each waking moment with me or even constantly showering me with sweet nothings.... Here are some ways I am sure he loves me! These irritating things give me the direction I so badly need in my life...

1. He glares at me when I eat too much of something unhealthy (which I usually do very often) just to let me know that he wants to have me beside him longer. The fact that my short term happiness in eating appam with sugar does not deter him from looking out for my interests in the long term.
2. Even when my ego refuses to let me believe that he can cook as well if not better than me, he still makes that extra effort to come into the kitchen and help me out when he sees me wake up at 6 am to make a dish for my lunch. Well he even tries out new dishes most evenings when I get back from a tired day at work. :) How lucky am I?
3. I am a clean person. I am not obsessed with order. He is. Yet, he is my decent husband who calmy picks up my shawl from the dining room chair, my comb from the dining table and washes the dinner dishes before he comes to put me to sleep.
4. Talking about sleep, in spite of the fact that he has to fill each day doing nothing, he still comes to bed with me and puts me to sleep patiently even when I am moaning and groaning about the heat or about not getting a comfortable position.
5. When some girl friends of mine decided to meet up recently, he so sweetly and subtly gave me some space to go meet them for a girls weekend out while he spent the weekend with my parents! If that doesnt show he loves me, nothing will!
6. I fall for stupid sales tactics like moving to a more expensive post paid connection and though he lectures me for hours about how I should not fall for such tricks, he lets me keep the post paid connection and doesnt crib when we pay so much more on the phone though we cant afford it.
7. Even though my family practically butts into every sphere of my life (which sometimes irritates even me) he not only gets along with them famously, but even tries to get me to be more patient and understanding when they bug me.
8. When I rant and rave about something completely illogical for no apparent reason, he keeps finding new examples to explain the logical way to me. Though the explanations bug me most of the time, in a few minutes I KNOW that he is right!! AAAAAAAAArgh!
9. For someone who does not open up or say what he is feeling, even at the cost of the uncomfortable fights, he brings himself to discuss our issues so that we can move on rather than bottling things up.
10. As we move through each day I realize that we are not as mature as we thought ourselves to be, yet in our immaturity, he makes me realize that we can mature together and grow together into the wonderful couple that we know we are! :)

Even through days when things are not smooth between us, I just have to look at his eyes to know the determination and love he has which gives me the strength to know that we will be fine in the  long run. Cos though I am still a kid, he knows what is best for us. God speaks to us through him!

A river full of thoughts!

It's been one year and 6 months since the love of my life has been in India. In just 4 days, he is moving back.... From when we made the plan for him to move back, I have known that it would not be easy. But today as I write this, so many things run through my mind!
He is leaving behind his country, the people he grew up with, his family, his friends, his well paying job, his festivals and traditions, his house.... everything that matters!
In 4 days, he will be with me - a malayalee girl with an over enthu family who mean well but butt in a bit too much, a newly acquired job and alot of love! I wonder so many times, will this be enough for him? Being the principled, practical loving man he is, he may have pressured himself into making the decision to move to India and be with me! I sure hope I dint pressure him into it.
I have no particular aim in writing this. Just a place to spill my thoughts I guess....
So many concerns racing through my mind at a pace faster than what I can keep up with!
Will he be patient enough to look for a job he likes?
Will the Indian govt give him his work permit fast enough?
Will he be totally bugged at the concept of the big wedding that has always been my dream?
Wil we be able to adjust to the fact that for the first time we live in the same city and soon in the same house?
Will he love my family the way I love his? With no conditions...
Will his social circle being different from mine be a problem?
Will our fights be out of frustration and tension?
So many many things...
As these thoughts raced through my head, other thoughts raced in parallel...
Our relationship has become so much stronger after our time apart..
We have met each other's family and loved the experience..
We have prayed together about our concerns, our hopes, our dreams..
We have the confidence that our love for each other is unconditional, true and encompassing..
We know that however much we fight, we love each other dearly and nothing takes precedence over that..
We both know that without each other, we feel incomplete..
We also know that we can tell each other anything and not be even remotely judged!

And most of all, thinking about it, I guess he is not leaving ALL that matters to him behind in his home country! I am at the recieving end and I guess that is ALL that matters to him! And I feel relieved! I hope I can make a life with him so that he never has regrets! But that is now my only prayer!!

So if anyone does read this wayward post, do say a silent prayer for us as we embark on a journey that is the end of a looooong wait but a start to a journey of our lives together!

From my heart!

It's more than two years since I have been with my boyfriend!
In a month from today, he will officially be my fiance!
I havent seen him in one year and two months.
I am gonna see him in a month.
I am ecstatic.
I have always wanted a huge wedding. Friends, family, wedding gifts, bridal shower, fun, food, music, the whole deal. He has just wanted me.
I tell our friends that we are together because of my boyfriend's constant determination and God's blessings. He tells our friends we are together because of my persistence and God's blessings.
I write mails and send messages and constantly tell him I love him and miss him.
He smiles when I get sentimental on him.
I show him I love him in every way possible.
He loves me in his own quiet way.
I know he loves me and that's where I root my strength.

The cost of Love!!!

I am not too sure the title to this post actually fits but here goes anyway!!!!

For the past 4 months, my boyfriend and I have been working on a plan for us to be together. Living across continents has proven both harder and easier than we expected. In ways we expected to have difficulties, we sailed through and in other areas that we thought we would not be bothered, we struggled through. So after much thought, advice, calling people, running around from one government organization to another, we finally conceptualized a plan. As much as we both did not want to get excited over it till it eventually came true, unknowingly, it seeped into our mind and I found myself waking up with a smile on my face at the thought of having him by my side in just a matter on two months. Days passed, weeks passed and the excitement grew. Plans were in full swing, mails being exchanged between all those who had a prominent part in our plan. One fine day, the plan just fell apart. Something we thought we had checked up was untrue and when we went to confirm, we realized that life was not gonna hand us such unparalleled happiness at such a low cost. That day was close to traumatic for me. And as much as he refuses to show it, I know it affected him as well. I worked on "auto" mode - doing all my work like a robot completely stripped of all my emotions. I kept myself busy all day till I could barely stand up by 11 pm that nite. All I knew was that if I decided to think about this obstacle, I would crumble. So as always I used the defense of keeping busy!
We talked about it, both of us upset at the bad news but trying to be little strong for the other. And as usual I must say that he did a better job at that. In his usual calm, loving way, he showed me yet again that he was my sole strength. In a while I felt better. The next day, we both work up with renewed energy. My mother and my boyfriend assured me that it was God's way of testing is we were strong enough to handle anything for each other. We both mailed each other all the other possible plans so that we could each critically evaluate each other's plans. Our minds worked non stop trying to come up with crisis intervention!
We still haven't worked out a complete back up plan as yet but we know we will. We may not have similar background, a visa to live in the same country, opportunities to talk as often as we want to etc.... but what we do have, always had and hopefully will hold onto is our faith is God and in each other. Our promise that we made to each other one late night at a bus stop to always belong to each other helped us along this far and thats what carries us on through such difficult times as well. So for any other couples who come across this blog, do be positive and HAVE FAITH! And while u say a silent prayer for yourself and your significant other, don't forget to say another short one for us as well!!!

10 ways i know my sunshine loves me!!!

1. He holds my hand when I am down.
2. He watches me for hours when I sleep.
3. He loves me in spite of me being fat! And he calls me gorgeous.
4. He cares for my sisters and takes the trouble to know my friends.
5. He kisses my forehead so lovingly.
6. He doesn't get mad when I say I want Jilebi at inappropriate times.
7. He handles my temper tantrums with patience and understanding.
8. He looks so happy when I smile.
9. He can listen to me talk for hours! And thats not an easy task.
10. He SAYS it!! And I believe it!

moments of bliss!!!!!

sunshine... in this more than one year that we have been together, there have been some amazingly amazing beautiful blissful moments. when i think abt those moments, i can still feel that overwhelming sense of happiness... like its surreal!
1. first sparky's meal - wow... so beautiful... we hit it of so perfectly.. and sitting there opposite you, i couldnt stop blushing....
2. when i said i love you - that nite, at some 2 am, when i blurted out that i love you.... even i dint know that i loved you till it just came out... ill never forget that nite! u made me feel like a princess!
3. new years!!! - hmmm.... i cant explain this... no words to describe! the best new years ever! sitting together, praying with my hands in urs, foreheads touching, i have never felt more secure...
4. unplanned trip to bangalore - the one where u decided to just come back with me when i came???? hahaha! sunshine... that was amazing! felt so loved!
5. mama's for diwali - hahahahahhahahahaha... don wana say anything more! was beautiful! and all the other times we have spent with mama and your friends...
6. deepwoods - every time u kept looking back into the audience while judging dumb charades... everu girl in the room was jealous at the attention i was getting from you!
7. when u told ur mom abt us - thats when i was so sure that it was real and we were actually gonna be together! remember u asked me to be sure and think n tell u the next morning?
ok sunshine... so many other instances... but don wana let u fly too high in one day! will write more soon! every second that i was with you has been absolute bliss. i know i fight, but i love you and im happy through it all.. mail me the happiest moments for you!
always yours!

flashback...

last nite i spoke to my sunshine. this is an event since we get to talk so rarely. after the one hour talk, i just could not sleep. lay thinking about "us" and from where we had begun and where we have now reached. every memory flooding my thoughts, making it impossible to get the much needed sleep.
the first meeting in mcc... the scraps on orkut... the midnight calls and conversations about everything ranging from psychology to the concept of arranged marriage, to food to music... falling in love.. sharing thoughts that noone else knew about us... first official meeting... sparky's... 4 am at bus terminals... sleeper buses to bangalore... faling in love.. the first kiss... the shyness almost non existent by now.. auto rides... long long walks... falling deeper in love...singing to each other... gnite prayers... oh those prayers.. bikes and speed.. partying.. meeting each others family and friends... head over heels in love.. goodbye hugs.. trips to bangalore... cooking and cleaning... NEW YEARS!!!... deeper in love.. fights , misunderstandings... making up... making out... he he.. planning for the future.. getting ready to stay apart... sneaked meetings.. chapel services... exchanging of rings... a million train rides.. sharing secrets.. holding each other close.. quizzing each other.. loving each other...
i know we dont live in the past and neither should v live in the future. the present brings such happiness. the knowledge that you are loved by someone who knows you better than you know yourself. loving each other not more or less than the other but more than anything either of us have known before. the smile when i think of him. the knowledge that noone can love me more than he does. the trust that he would never hurt me. the hope that i will never hurt him. the present is so beautiful in spite of tensions and stressing out over future plans. but it is the wonderful present that makes us so eager for the future. the future that we yearn for. the future with my sunshine, me and a little family of our own - my dream, his dream, our dream!!!
love you sunshine. you have made my past beautiful, you make my present blissful and my future worth living for! i love you!!

OUR SONG!!!!!

baby, just for you!!!! this is so perfectly true! i can see jesus in your eyes! and thats what makes me so sure that we're gonna be fine!!!!!! its you and me forever darling!


oh look at where we are

god has brought us both this far

we've been delivered by his hand

and brought to the place where we now stand

love is patient love is kind

love comes thru every time

always protects hopes and trusts

keep on believing and it never gives up

in my life i have seen so many things

but nothing has touched me so deep inside

as when i see jesus in your eyes

in my heart i'm very sure

in his love ours will endure

loving him by lvoing you

in serving jesus i will serve you too

for his glory we will live

he has given us love to give

i am with your heart and soul

where ever he leads together we will go

in my life i have seen so many things

but nothing has touched me so deep inside

as when i see jesus in your eyes

in your eyes

ten things i wana do with my sunshine!

1. sleep under the stars!
2. stay up talking all nite!
3. take his parents and mine on a holiday!
4. get into a pillow fight!
5. make out in a pool!
6. go skinny dipping!
7. dance!
8. go to an amusement park!
9. get wet in the beach!
10. eat a burger in the messiest way possible!

one year and still in love!!!!!!!!

its been more than a month since you left.... its been more than a year since we've talked every nite... its been more than a lifetime since i have been waiting for someone like you to make me smile.....
i cant believe a year has flown by.... i promise you that this year has been the happiest year of my life.... i have smiled a million times more than ever before... i have laughed from the bottom most pit in my stomach, i have cried with all i had when u left from my house to go back to chennai, i have felt a surge of joy that made me lose myself for a moment when i saw u walking down the road to my house, i have felt more secure than i can imagine it would feel to be in a mother's womb, i have matured into someone who knows who i am, i have learnt that i can be a child with you, i have seen you angry, i have seen jesus in your eyes, i have heard u sing to me, i have held you close, i have been held close in teh strongest arms ever, i have learnt that love like yours deserves more respect than i can give, i have learnt the meaning of loyalty, i have learnt that crying does not get u anything, i have learnt that u hate onions, i have seen you be completely selfless, i have felt passion, excitement, the tingling sensation and adrenaline pumping when i am near you while at the same time feeling secure, safe, peaceful and calm knowing you are with me. i have heard you pray the most beautiful prayers ever, i have watched u serve in chapel, i have a ring with your name on my hand at all times, i have a truckload of memories in which u are the hero, i have a sweater that was once yours but now touches my skin every nite i sleep, i have the Dr. Lips that u gave me, i know that u hate uncertainty but u love me despite the fact that i am the cause of the greatest uncertainty in your life, i have spoken to everyone in your family and fallen in love with them as well, i spend every spare moment wondering what u would be doing, i make decisions based on what is good for "us" not just for me, i realize each day how lucky i am to have someone as wonderful, loyal, brilliant, supportive, handsome and loving as you as the to-be father of my kids. i thank god each day for letting us cross paths and pray that he keeps our paths as one from this day forth. i sing your praises to anyone who will listen, im filled with pride whenever i think of you and i take most pride in the fact that i am yours as your wife than in anything else.... that is my biggest achievement. i love you more each day for the trust you have in me, for investing your hopes and dreams in me. over this year i have learnt that each smile that is genuine is dedicated to you. over this year i have seen how much love can motivate me to do things i would never even try my hand at - like making a scrapbook or a cd. i have learnt that there is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to being my complete foolish self with you. i have seen the tremendous amount of patience that you have when it comes to me.
i can now truthfully and whole heartedly say that i have felt love!
but most of all, after one year of being together i want to tell you that somewhere along the way, you have come to know me better than i know myself and more surprisingly, you love me for who i am and i love you for being my constant support, my treasure, my confidante, my lover, my friend, my adviser and the one and only person who knows me for who i really am!
i love you! forever and a day!

to my darling sunshine......

23rd april 2007

sunshine... from now on. just gonna make this our diary!!!!! gonna be writing here everyday that i cannot talk to you!!!!
cant believe that u left chennai today! i know you are in mumbai, but that does not count! when u called me from the cabin, my heart felt so heavy!!! like for a sec i thought i would not be able to handle it and then i remembered that u so badly wanted to go home and so i figured u would not want to hear me crying just before you left!!!! ur gal is damn brave no?
i just want to tell you that though i have told you all this before, i have never meant it more.... so here goes -
you make me happier than i thought i could be. the thought of not having you near me and not seeing you every two weekends and not talking to you every nite is killing me but i am not crying cos i know that u will always remain my pillar of strength! u will always be my reason for getting up each day, u will be my reason to do well so u can be proud of me.... i can barely sleep, read or eat rite now cos all i can think of is wanting to hold you so badly!!!!!! but i know i will get better!!!! just need u to work towards us being together soon ok?????
u are my miracle! whenever u close your eyes and think of me, u better know im thinking of you too. every breathe, every song, every smile is only for you!!!!!!
you make me want to live! u make me love u more each second!
sunshine.... holding u so close and may GOD bless the broken road that led me straight to you!

February 2007

He told his mother!!!!!!!!!!!!

about me!!!!

one nite he asked me to think hard about whether this relationship is what i really wanted and after this there was no really going back... i thought.... for three hours... pros... cons... emotions... logic... wishes... desires... hopes... and dreams.... and with every passing moment i was just more sure that i wanted him... needed him to complete the person i was... i realized that i had never felt so complete in my life... never felt safer, more loved or more happy....

the next morning, soon as i woke up at 6 am, i called him to tell him im sure... he said ok, then im gonna tell my mother this week.... i dint know whether to laugh or to cry.. i was so happy.. cos telling his mom was almost like making it official... i just wanted to marry him rite then...

but well, there are complications... my parents need to know... we need a concrete plan... he needs to go back to ethiopia soon...

but rite now as i sit typing this, i know that i have never been surer of any decision in my life.

he pushes me to do more than i think im capable of, he motivates me to try my best at everything i do, he keeps telling me he is proud of me, he holds me close when im upset, he tells me im irrational, but still remains patient when i rant and rave about silly insecurities, he sings to me, he prays beautifully, he doesnt let me eat paani puri cos my stomach hurts everytime i eat it, he thinks i look prettiest when i dont dress up, he runs all his decisions by me and makes me feel like an important part of his life, he introduces me to everyone like im some celebrity, he tells me about all the girls who flirt with him and at the same time makes me feel so secure in his love, he eats food that i cook!!!!!!!, he washes dishes, he helps me with my class work, he dreams about our life together, he sounds amazingly cute when i call him at 5 am just to hear his voice..... im not dumb.... i know im lucky.. i thank god every nite for the angel he sent me...

what can i say???? nothing can capture it more than... I LOVE HIM!!! I DO!!!

December 2006

Its been more than 6 months and I never thought someone could become this important to me...
He is now my best friend, lover, teacher, counsellor, advicer, mentor and so much more...
I knew he loved me and I knew i loved him too... Its such a nice feeling... True, pure love...
I knew my weaknesses - insecurity, jealousy, need for attention.... He knew it too... But he managed all of it... It was not a problem to him.. He knew he loved me enough to deal with it in his own time and in his own way...
He spoils me.... But he doesnt always give in to my absolutely unreasonable requests... I love him for teaching me that I cant always get my way.. I love him for teaching me how to love someone unconditonally.. I love him for loving me with no inhibitions....
I LOVE HIM.

October 2006

We knew there was something between us and it was definitely not just friendship.. We had to face the music... One night when he was being his nutty weird self, i felt this insane urge to tell him that I loved him.... And before i could stop myself, I blurted it out. There was less than fraction of a second pause before he said he loves me too... I have never smiled that broadly in my life...

We talked about what was happening. We knew we wanted to be with each other.. There are some things that u just know... Perhaps the most important debate he has ever won was the one we had on arranged marriage versus love marriage, cos by now, i was completely on his side.... He showed me that u could fall so completely in love with a person that nothing could tell u ootherwise... He showed me that u could be so passionate abou someone that nothing else seemed even remotely as important to you.. He showed me that you could love someone enough to want the absolute best for them even if it was not what made u happy....

WE MET! For the first time after we knew we loved each other.... It was absolutely perfect. I knew.... And I knew that he knew!!!!! Food has always been first priority to me, but today, it was him on my mind and nothing else... I was shy and scared... So u could not hug him the way I wanted to, could not hsow him how much i loved him and how happy i was to be with him... But he understood... He knew it all and he was ok with it cos he knew!!!

I came back and it began with new fervour.. I loved him more each day. Just when i thought it was not possible to love someone anymore, a new surge of love came in from somewhere and somehow i knew i loved him more than i could handle... more than i knew was possible.. more than i had ever loved one person before... It was all new to me and i loved it... It made me fly..

August 2006

Couple of months down the line... I couldnt sleep without talking to him... I needed his apprval on things i did, i needed his comments... I thought he was weird, but never had weird felt so nice before....

My birthday came and went and along with it came a huge card.. so thoughful, so lovingly sent...

I moved to a new place, STD calls became a necessity... he helped me through the changes. We spoke like kids discovering a haunted looking house.... slowly, carefully but filled with excitement, we explored each others lives... We claimed we were friends... Good friends...

My friends teased me about liking him but not saying anything... I was in denial... There were complications.... I believed in arranged marriage, he did not... I was in another state and barely saw him... I was dating one of his best friends a while ago... I was Indian, he was Ethiopian!!!!!!!!!!! My family was waiting to get me married to a good christian, Indian boy....

Sometime in May 2006....

Thanks to Orkut, we got in touch... a scrap here and a srap there... Then a message here and another one there... Soon it became - a call when i was in town... Slowly a call when i was not in town as well..

The first call, in spite of my memory, I wont forget... We spoke for more than a hour at midnite.. started off on a topic of common interest - psychology and went on to the controversial topic of marriage... "arranged marriage is the stupidest concept i have heard of", he said... "I just recently asked my parents to look out for someone for me", I said... Thats where it began... A discussion, turned into a debate... neither one of us willing to look at things from the other persons point of view... I thought he lived in fairy land with his ideas of love at first sight, never ending romance, passionate love and dreams i thought could never be fulfilled..... He thought i was not letting myself have the pleasure of being with someone who was meant to be mine, to love beyond what words could describe.... We sure put our ponts across.... Neither one of us changed our minds though...

Couple of days later we talked again, this time about our lives, interests, friends and stuff... Neither of us could sleep early, so we spent several nights messaging each oter and talking late into the night... I went back home (another state) and the calls continued, became more frequent and messaging him became addictive....

There was not enough time time to say all i wanted to... There was not enough time or money to listen to all that I wanted to know about him... Noone seemed more inetersting, nothing captivated me more... Thats how it all began...